a week ago i was back where i grew up - alberta. i was 19 when i left for school in toronto and i really haven't looked back. i was happy to go and study journalism but i was more happy to be moving not only away, but to toronto. shiny city of my adolecent music dreams.
when i first hit toronto i thought i'd venture out into the city for a little walk around my new neighbourhood. hell, i'd never ever HAD a neighbourhood before (grew up on a farm, donchaknow). on my first little wander around lake devo i saw a drug deal. i wasn't on the farm anymore. actually lake devo (besides having the kewl name musical name devo) was used in a tea party video a few years ago. i don't remember which one it was, but it was the one where jeff martin wore a white suit and sat in some dark and expensive looking chair. it would take a better tea party fan than i to actually remember it.
if you're in canada, you're already very aware of the specialness of alberta. and the special right-wing anti-tolerance point of view of a great many of it's dwellers. that is unless you've been leading your existance under a giant redneck rock. for anyone who isn't in canada - just think of alberta as canada's own version of texas. the pick-up truck driving good ole boys. it's actually funny. living here in toronto i meet many former albertans. and they're all either gay or in bands or doing some other artistic endeavours. it's unfortunate that most people of a more open minded pursuasion have to leave the province to feel like they belong.
i bring this all up because of a moment that happened with my dad while i was back home. my mom and i were watching satallite television (it's in the country, if they didn't have satallite, they'd have only 4 channels.) when the susan sarandon-sean penn film, "dead man walking" came on. i told my mom that it was a fabulous movie and she agreed to watch it. i think the only time she watches movies is when i'm home. last time i was home we watched "the banger sisters" and it was hysterical.
so we're munching on garden carrots and watching the death row inmates when my dad decides to join us. at first he's reading his newspaper, but then gets quickly drawn into the movie. i was beginning to wonder how this family experience was going to end up.
if you don't remember, "dead man walking" is a very intelligent and compassionate look at the reality of death row and the result of a death sentence. it's a look at the horrific crimes that people can commit and a look at all of the messy results of a murder in a state that will sentence people to death. we see protesters, victim family members, the murderer's family members, church leaders and the legal and prision system all acting and reacting.
and, well, you see, my dad is a right-wing, conservative, non-politically correct sorta guy. one who believes it's a great shame that canada no longer serves capital punishment on a steaming platter. during the scenes where sean penn's family spend their last hours with him my father says, "you just never think of the other side, do you?". i think he forgot that his eldest daugher is a progressively minded woman. one who does not believe the death penalty is right. in the interest of not starting one of our infamous 'debates' at that precise moment i just replied, "it's a difficult movie to watch"
i had a small thrill of victory. this movie was going to open my dad's eyes to something he hadn't considered before! no sooner than i was congratulating myself on dragging my dad out of the dark ages he announces that, "i don't think i want to watch the rest of this" and he got up and left the room just as the priest was coming for his final visit.
my mom and i watched it to the end. my mom hated the flashback scenes of the rape and murders of the victims but watched the movie. as credits were rolling, my dad calls from the other room and asks if it's over yet. we answer yes and he returns.
it was an interesting moment for me. my father, who believes to his core that if a capital crime is proved in court, that the death penalty is not only just but necessary did not even want to watch a cinematic representation of the legal execution of a man. it was eye opening for me. how clearly the close-minded want to see things the way they see things. if you really just want to keep your belief system in tact and never have it challenged, just refuse to be exposed to a well thought out and presented opposing point of view.
i respect my dad and know that he is highly intelligent. he keeps himself well informed in world affairs and politics, however we rarely if ever agree on things. our view points and experiences are just different. someone once challenged me and told me that it was impossible that my father should be considered intelligent since he believes in so many non-progressive ideals. i just told that person that he'd just proved himself to be as close-minded as my dad. intelligence comes in many flavours and we may not all agree with the resulting taste in our mouth.
[music | the killers, "andy you're a star"]
8.30.2005
8.29.2005
so not my demographic
i stupidly watched the mtv vma's last night. what a fool i am. pass the dunce cap and i shall don it promptly. from the promising opening performance by green day - nearly the entire rest of the show went to hades in a rickety little handbasket - the kind with pastel ribbons tied to it. except instead of pastel ribbons there were huge strings of tacky bling bling.
speaking of bling bling - i had to give myself the heimlich maneuver when i saw one of the award winners (i think it might of been ludacris) accepting an award. around his neck was a gianormous gold and diamond encrusted pendant of africa. where did those hundreds of diamonds come from? are they blood diamonds from sierra leone? diamonds responsible for putting guns in the hands of children and the exploitation/rape/murder of africans? and then i began to wonder how much hunger and starvation that a pendant like that could put and end to in africa itself. not to mention healthcare, medications, education, agricultural improvements, etc.
watching the show itself i left with the impression that despite recent resurgances that rock and music played with instruments and sung with melody was well and truly dead. the show was a near constant parade of excess, diddy, dance, rap and hip hop.
nice try the killers.
see you in the delete bin green day.
go back to your day jobs at baby-goths-are-us my chemical romance.
but then this morning i read a list of vma winners. and it's all bluudy green day. with the exception of the genre awards, green day nearly cleared all the awards.
it made me feel a bit better about the world.
[music | tori amos, "famous blue raincoat"]
speaking of bling bling - i had to give myself the heimlich maneuver when i saw one of the award winners (i think it might of been ludacris) accepting an award. around his neck was a gianormous gold and diamond encrusted pendant of africa. where did those hundreds of diamonds come from? are they blood diamonds from sierra leone? diamonds responsible for putting guns in the hands of children and the exploitation/rape/murder of africans? and then i began to wonder how much hunger and starvation that a pendant like that could put and end to in africa itself. not to mention healthcare, medications, education, agricultural improvements, etc.
watching the show itself i left with the impression that despite recent resurgances that rock and music played with instruments and sung with melody was well and truly dead. the show was a near constant parade of excess, diddy, dance, rap and hip hop.
nice try the killers.
see you in the delete bin green day.
go back to your day jobs at baby-goths-are-us my chemical romance.
but then this morning i read a list of vma winners. and it's all bluudy green day. with the exception of the genre awards, green day nearly cleared all the awards.
it made me feel a bit better about the world.
[music | tori amos, "famous blue raincoat"]
8.28.2005
dark goddess
not from toronto tonight - but a gorgeous picture from http://rosenauer.dk
i have just returned from a tori amos concert down at the molson amphitheatre. it's almost like a summer tradition - summers when tori is touring, she always makes her way to the lake ontario venue. it really is a gorgeous venue - especially when you have seats about 25 feet away from the stage. stage-left side. the side that she faces for the majority of the show. heaven.
i have seen tori every time she's come to toronto - well, to be honest, all except one - the convocation hall show during the 1994 'under the pink' tour, and was that ever a mistake... at the time i decided i was too broke to go and it has ended up being the impetus for me to go to every other tori show since then no matter what the money situation is or isn't. as tori once told me herself (i had the honour of doing a phone interview with her in 1992), "what's money between friends?". and her music is absolutely one of my best friends in the world. her music brings me such solace, strength, sadness, pain, anger, fear, joy and love. i've found nothing to quite compare to it - and i've looked in many, many, many places. probably the closest to it is moist/david usher or david bowie (but the regret with bowie is that i was just a wee gurl growing up through most of his career. i mean, ziggy stardust was released the year after i was born. while his music remains incredibly meaningful to me - it's not a soundscape that was painted during important moments of my own life).
each and every time i see a tori show - one of her girls (her songs) brings me to tears. and it's always unexpected and always different. usually its because i suddenly have click moment where i feel that i completely understand a song on a very different level that listening to it over a hundred times on cd will never bring. tori has this way of communicating the songs live in a way that is almost completely via sonic energy. it's impossible to explain and i'm beginning to feel like a gushing fangurl - but it's just how much her music makes me feel.
tonight's song was 'icicle'. a song about tori as a young girl masturbating while her preacher father hosted easter dinner in the room below her bedroom. it's a song about robert plant and the way she felt when she played that 'devil's music' after hearing church hymns all evening. the song isn't a tear-jerker (not like 'playboy mommy' the one that got me last time about a miscarriage and the concept that the little soul just didn't want to be born to a girl like tori) but somehow at the beginning i caught a flash of her conflict and strife over her upbringing and how she just knew that she was going to break with everything that her family wanted and expected from her.
the other song that hit in an unexpected level was 'the beekeeper' from her latest album. it is a story about the fear of losing one's mother to old age after she recently lost her brother in an automobile accident. the lyric is very staightforward and fairly linear (a rarity in tori's lyric writing, to be certain!) but the emotion behind the song was nothing other than utter and complete respect to the dark goddess who comes to take us all back to her one day or the next. tori's performance of this song was so remarkable and so visceral live (when on record i like the song, but it's certainly not one of my picks on her album) that i have left with a new understanding of one of the many onion layers that makes up this talented artist's music.
Flaxen hair blowing in the breeze
It is time for the geese to head south
I have come with my mustard seed
I cannot accept that she will be taken from me
"Do you know who I am" she said
"I'm the one who taps you on the shoulder when it's your time
Don't be afraid I promise that she will awake
Tomorrow somewhere
Tomorrow somewhere"
Wrap yourself around
The tree of life and the dance of the infinity
Of the hive
Take this message to Michael
I will comb myself into chains
In between the tap dance clan
And your ballerina gang
I have come for the beekeeper
I know you want my
You want my queen
Anything but this
Can you use me instead?
In your gown with your breathing mask
Plugged into a heart machine
As if you ever needed one
I must see the beekeeper I must see if she'll keep her alive
Call Engine 49 I have come with my mustard seed
Maybe I'm passing you by
Just passing you by girl
I'm passing you by
On my way
On my way
I'm just passing you by
But don't be confused
One day I'll be coming for you...
I must see the beekeeper
I must see the beekeeper
It is time for the geese to head south
I have come with my mustard seed
I cannot accept that she will be taken from me
"Do you know who I am" she said
"I'm the one who taps you on the shoulder when it's your time
Don't be afraid I promise that she will awake
Tomorrow somewhere
Tomorrow somewhere"
Wrap yourself around
The tree of life and the dance of the infinity
Of the hive
Take this message to Michael
I will comb myself into chains
In between the tap dance clan
And your ballerina gang
I have come for the beekeeper
I know you want my
You want my queen
Anything but this
Can you use me instead?
In your gown with your breathing mask
Plugged into a heart machine
As if you ever needed one
I must see the beekeeper I must see if she'll keep her alive
Call Engine 49 I have come with my mustard seed
Maybe I'm passing you by
Just passing you by girl
I'm passing you by
On my way
On my way
I'm just passing you by
But don't be confused
One day I'll be coming for you...
I must see the beekeeper
I must see the beekeeper
[tonight's setlist | original sinsuality, icicle,blood roses, here. in my head, general joy (o-my-fucking-gods!), mother, crazy, if you could read my mind (gordon lightfoot cover), both sides now (joni mitchell cover), cars and guitars, northern lad, spark, taxi ride, the beekeeper, jamaica inn, cloud on my tongue, putting the damage on, baker baker]
8.24.2005
nosferatu (aka nesley & most often nes) - rest in peace
our lovely cat nes passed into another existance on thursday august, 18th. i was still away in alberta on a family visit when i got the call from my distressed roommate audrey. :(
i will write more about this lovely creature at another time - but until then here are some recent pics... mostly for me to look at...
nes had the cutest little face and endured a lot because of it!
"i'm so freakin' regal - it hurts"
painting day - and look who had to get in the action.
[music | nes had the worst taste in music, as far as i was concerned. we used to leave on queen street in the beaches and every year at that horrific jazz festival when everyone else with good sense would be blocking their ears, she would be laying on the floor on her back, all the better to soak in the vibrations. she was quite the little tease!]
i will write more about this lovely creature at another time - but until then here are some recent pics... mostly for me to look at...
nes had the cutest little face and endured a lot because of it!
"i'm so freakin' regal - it hurts"
painting day - and look who had to get in the action.8.18.2005
rain, rain, go away. come again another day
i've been out here in the wild west since saturday, august 13th and i have yet to wear any of my capri pants or t-shirts. i have been wearing and re-wearing and wearing yet again the one pair of blue jeans that i brought along. who knew that august in alberta would be quite this cold and miserable. there is even fear of frost tonight - and that would be a very bad thing.
my father is a farmer and since july they have had less sunshine and less warm days than normal. the weather has been so cold and rotten that the crops are way behind where they should be and this spectre of an ungodly early frost would be close to disastrous. farming is a brutal occupation. in most businesses you can somewhat control the major factors of your day-to-day affairs... no one controls the weather. (and apparently no one can predict it either!)
but back to saturday - at my cousin's wedding in the rockin' town of saskatoon - which seemed to most closely resemble a more 'countrified' peterborough. do you know who parties hard? chiropracters party hard. my cousin is a chiropractor and at the reception the table seated behind mine (table #14) was full of chiropractors. (they stole the bottle of red wine off of my table when we were all away. i was the only one drinking it - but it was MINE to consume at will and with glee). and apparently as part of the whole wedding deal, during dinner there are usually speeches and an open mike for guests to come up and contribute stories (i don't know, i so rarely go to these things). anyway - this wedding did NOT have an open mike - largely for fear of what stories table #14 might unearth to embarrass the groom into the middle of the next decade.
after the dinner/dance was closed (1:30) the party continued in one of the guests rooms in the hotel. and no less than 3 times was hotel security sent up to tell people to quiet down. the last time the threat was that people would start to be evicted if they didn't wrap it up. and apparently at 4:30 in the morning the bride and groom were running through the stairwells of the saskatoon hilton in order to evade security.... i was not there for that, but heard the story from about 6 others - one of which was the groom's mother (who was with them).
the drive back to edmonton was fun. we left at 11:30 in the morning and got to edmonton at about 5:30 - and we stopped about 1 and a half hours for lunch. apparently my brother and law sped quite a bit of the way... the ride was supposed to be me, my parents, my sister, her husband and their 8 month old little girl. however, the baby came down with 'early-pneumonia' while in saskatoon and as a result my parent's caught a ride with someone else and my sister and brother-in-law and i had a great time riding back together. it was a lot of fun. but i don't need to hear the new nickelback song EVER again. *shudder*
and since it's been so rainy and cold - i haven't yet had a chance to go wandering in the fields and pastures. i love to hang with my dad's cows. he has close to 400 of them at the moment - and the spring calves are still pretty damn cute. maybe tomorrow. i have forgotten just how big the sky can look here - and how absolutely HUGE the moon is as it hangs in the sky in the late summer/early autumn. we've been having clouded nights and last night as i was falling asleep i hoped for clear skies so i could see the stars and the beautiful moon - and tonight i was rewarded with a very very clear sky, many stars and a gorgeous golden moon.
top 5 great things about my parent's farm
my father is a farmer and since july they have had less sunshine and less warm days than normal. the weather has been so cold and rotten that the crops are way behind where they should be and this spectre of an ungodly early frost would be close to disastrous. farming is a brutal occupation. in most businesses you can somewhat control the major factors of your day-to-day affairs... no one controls the weather. (and apparently no one can predict it either!)
but back to saturday - at my cousin's wedding in the rockin' town of saskatoon - which seemed to most closely resemble a more 'countrified' peterborough. do you know who parties hard? chiropracters party hard. my cousin is a chiropractor and at the reception the table seated behind mine (table #14) was full of chiropractors. (they stole the bottle of red wine off of my table when we were all away. i was the only one drinking it - but it was MINE to consume at will and with glee). and apparently as part of the whole wedding deal, during dinner there are usually speeches and an open mike for guests to come up and contribute stories (i don't know, i so rarely go to these things). anyway - this wedding did NOT have an open mike - largely for fear of what stories table #14 might unearth to embarrass the groom into the middle of the next decade.
after the dinner/dance was closed (1:30) the party continued in one of the guests rooms in the hotel. and no less than 3 times was hotel security sent up to tell people to quiet down. the last time the threat was that people would start to be evicted if they didn't wrap it up. and apparently at 4:30 in the morning the bride and groom were running through the stairwells of the saskatoon hilton in order to evade security.... i was not there for that, but heard the story from about 6 others - one of which was the groom's mother (who was with them).
the drive back to edmonton was fun. we left at 11:30 in the morning and got to edmonton at about 5:30 - and we stopped about 1 and a half hours for lunch. apparently my brother and law sped quite a bit of the way... the ride was supposed to be me, my parents, my sister, her husband and their 8 month old little girl. however, the baby came down with 'early-pneumonia' while in saskatoon and as a result my parent's caught a ride with someone else and my sister and brother-in-law and i had a great time riding back together. it was a lot of fun. but i don't need to hear the new nickelback song EVER again. *shudder*
and since it's been so rainy and cold - i haven't yet had a chance to go wandering in the fields and pastures. i love to hang with my dad's cows. he has close to 400 of them at the moment - and the spring calves are still pretty damn cute. maybe tomorrow. i have forgotten just how big the sky can look here - and how absolutely HUGE the moon is as it hangs in the sky in the late summer/early autumn. we've been having clouded nights and last night as i was falling asleep i hoped for clear skies so i could see the stars and the beautiful moon - and tonight i was rewarded with a very very clear sky, many stars and a gorgeous golden moon.
top 5 great things about my parent's farm
- fresh veggies from the garden (as organic as it gets!)
- saskatoon pie
- cows
- trees, trees and more trees
- the haunting sound of coyotes at night
[music tori amos, "cornflake girl"]
8.12.2005
the odd and the end
so after running around yonge and bloor area like a chicken with her head cut off, i now have everything i need for the wedding. i hope. my cousin chad is getting married this weekend in saskatoon. yesterday i thought i was ready for my early morning flight out to saskachewan (i arrive 2 hours before the wedding ceremony - please air canada - don't be delayed!) but as i was walking to the subway with all of my travel sized items i walked past a stunning display of beautiful and unique gift cards. fuck! i forgot the present! and the wrap! and the card! ack!
see, the problem was i knew what i was going to get as a gift... a new t-fal pan, some organic maple syrup, some organic jam and a couple of no-fail recipes for pancakes and for irish soda bread (which i'd made for chad before & he just loved). nice to have the idea. not so nice to not actually pick up any of the necessary items. i actually can't take credit for the idea - it was my roomie's idea... :) but they are my recipes!
after a slight panic over not being able to find nice paper i was able to come away with some passable parchment paper from lewis craft. it seems that since the advent of email - no one uses nice stationary anymore. i felt so victorian as i asked shop after shop if they carried stationary or single-sheets of writing paper. it was rather disheartening to be directed to the back-to-school lined paper on special - on more than one occasion. for a while there i was fearing that i'd have to make the long rainy trek out to queen west to make a visit to the fab japanese paper place - but as my friend pointed out - i'm not allowed in there without a chaperone, lest i lose my little mind and buy things i don't need.
being the good and organized traveler that i aspire to be, i checked out the weather on good old environment canada's website... and my gods, i am going to freeze out west. tomorrow in saskatoon is supposed to be 20C but with rain. and all next week in edmonton has it sitting at 12C/4C. that is autumn weather. i don't know if my heat addled brain can compute this. must bring jeans, sweaters & long sleeved shirts. how bizarre.
i'm off in a few hours to catch a david usher show up at york university. very nice send off for a trip. reminds me of the david shows a few years ago at lee's palace that i saw the night before i went to costa rica. of the 4 lee's shows i only got to see 2 of them - as the other two were happening during my trip. that's life.
i'm not sure how much i'll be able to post while i'm off in alberta - my mum has a prehistoric dial-up modem and i normally don't have 15 minutes to wait for each page to load. le sigh.
[music | david usher, "souring"]
see, the problem was i knew what i was going to get as a gift... a new t-fal pan, some organic maple syrup, some organic jam and a couple of no-fail recipes for pancakes and for irish soda bread (which i'd made for chad before & he just loved). nice to have the idea. not so nice to not actually pick up any of the necessary items. i actually can't take credit for the idea - it was my roomie's idea... :) but they are my recipes!
after a slight panic over not being able to find nice paper i was able to come away with some passable parchment paper from lewis craft. it seems that since the advent of email - no one uses nice stationary anymore. i felt so victorian as i asked shop after shop if they carried stationary or single-sheets of writing paper. it was rather disheartening to be directed to the back-to-school lined paper on special - on more than one occasion. for a while there i was fearing that i'd have to make the long rainy trek out to queen west to make a visit to the fab japanese paper place - but as my friend pointed out - i'm not allowed in there without a chaperone, lest i lose my little mind and buy things i don't need.
being the good and organized traveler that i aspire to be, i checked out the weather on good old environment canada's website... and my gods, i am going to freeze out west. tomorrow in saskatoon is supposed to be 20C but with rain. and all next week in edmonton has it sitting at 12C/4C. that is autumn weather. i don't know if my heat addled brain can compute this. must bring jeans, sweaters & long sleeved shirts. how bizarre.
i'm off in a few hours to catch a david usher show up at york university. very nice send off for a trip. reminds me of the david shows a few years ago at lee's palace that i saw the night before i went to costa rica. of the 4 lee's shows i only got to see 2 of them - as the other two were happening during my trip. that's life.
i'm not sure how much i'll be able to post while i'm off in alberta - my mum has a prehistoric dial-up modem and i normally don't have 15 minutes to wait for each page to load. le sigh.
[music | david usher, "souring"]
8.11.2005
holy mother of &*%
how does one go from looking like this :
to looking like this?
i mean - my gods... unassumingly i clicked on this link to read about the latest in our gal courtney's life and i nearly choked on my own spittle... get the woman into rehab and keep her there. and maybe give her a mirror.
[music | rasputina, "transylvanian concubine"]
to looking like this?
i mean - my gods... unassumingly i clicked on this link to read about the latest in our gal courtney's life and i nearly choked on my own spittle... get the woman into rehab and keep her there. and maybe give her a mirror.
[music | rasputina, "transylvanian concubine"]
lush indeed....
i'm fearing the dreaded summer cold.... just in time for my visit to alberta... how lovely. i'm sure i'll look smashing at the wedding all puffy-faced and swollen-eyed with a big red nose... and all this beauty before i begin drinking!
this morning i've been sneezing up a storm and my voice is all kathleen turner raspy. and yesterday in my yoga class i was fatiguing in poses that i am normally very strong in... there was one pose where my legs were shaking so much it was reminiscent of wyle e. coyote after the roadrunner made him eat earthquake pills (if you've seen it, you know exactly what i mean). the instructor even came up to me to make sure i was alright. i don't want a cold. this will suck surpreme... guess i'll know in my class this afternoon... if my body cacks out on me again it's probably official - and no amount of vitamin c will save me.
and one of the most odd things you'll hear all day... did you know that the word 'lush' (meaning very good) wasn't listed in the oxford dictionary until this edition? what? how strange.... i feel so uncouth for using unapproved language!
according to this article other words that were just added include :
potty-mouthed (how can this be)
demographic (this is insane!)
cockapoo (why does this have to exist in the first place... it's a combo between a cocker spaniel and a poodle - two of my most loathed dog breeds. def not lush!)
ruby murray (this is my personal fave... the brits use this as a slang for curry... i love the brits!)
off to swill vitamin c and some herbal tea...
[music david usher, "my way out"]
this morning i've been sneezing up a storm and my voice is all kathleen turner raspy. and yesterday in my yoga class i was fatiguing in poses that i am normally very strong in... there was one pose where my legs were shaking so much it was reminiscent of wyle e. coyote after the roadrunner made him eat earthquake pills (if you've seen it, you know exactly what i mean). the instructor even came up to me to make sure i was alright. i don't want a cold. this will suck surpreme... guess i'll know in my class this afternoon... if my body cacks out on me again it's probably official - and no amount of vitamin c will save me.
and one of the most odd things you'll hear all day... did you know that the word 'lush' (meaning very good) wasn't listed in the oxford dictionary until this edition? what? how strange.... i feel so uncouth for using unapproved language!
according to this article other words that were just added include :
potty-mouthed (how can this be)
demographic (this is insane!)
cockapoo (why does this have to exist in the first place... it's a combo between a cocker spaniel and a poodle - two of my most loathed dog breeds. def not lush!)
ruby murray (this is my personal fave... the brits use this as a slang for curry... i love the brits!)
off to swill vitamin c and some herbal tea...
[music david usher, "my way out"]
8.10.2005
pennyroyal tea
the most meaningful thing i think i'm getting from rock star : inxs is the remembrance of just how much i love nirvana. and how much i miss kurt cobain's creativity. i never fell out of love with nirvana - it just became more like a previously torrid affair that cooled to more comfortable familiarity.
but week after week of hearing the hopefuls warble in their best nirvana-esque ways has driven me to dust off the cd's and listen again. sure, it's been said before in many ways and by many people - but it really is astounding just how gifted poor tormented kurt cobain was. from his vocals, to his playing, to his songwriting.... i miss you kurt.
i was working as a receptionist at a recording studio the day that kurt's body was found. i remember sitting there at my little desk (so minimalistic - it was a retro school teacher table/desk with a mac computer on it and a little green glass lamp. kinda cool, kinda not) and one of the assistant engineers came in and told me the news. just shocked me. one of those moments where your adreneline kicks in and you feel like you're about to fly right out of your skin. too strange. too sad. too stupid.
[music | nirvana, "about a girl"]
but week after week of hearing the hopefuls warble in their best nirvana-esque ways has driven me to dust off the cd's and listen again. sure, it's been said before in many ways and by many people - but it really is astounding just how gifted poor tormented kurt cobain was. from his vocals, to his playing, to his songwriting.... i miss you kurt.
i was working as a receptionist at a recording studio the day that kurt's body was found. i remember sitting there at my little desk (so minimalistic - it was a retro school teacher table/desk with a mac computer on it and a little green glass lamp. kinda cool, kinda not) and one of the assistant engineers came in and told me the news. just shocked me. one of those moments where your adreneline kicks in and you feel like you're about to fly right out of your skin. too strange. too sad. too stupid.
pennyroyal tea from 'in utero' :
I'm on my time with everyone
I have very bad posture
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
I'm anemic royalty
Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld
So I can sigh eternally
I'm so tired I can't sleep
I'm anemic royalty
I'm a liar and a thief
I'm anemic royalty
I'm on warm milk and laxatives
Cherry-flavored antacids
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
I'm anemic royalty
I have very bad posture
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
I'm anemic royalty
Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld
So I can sigh eternally
I'm so tired I can't sleep
I'm anemic royalty
I'm a liar and a thief
I'm anemic royalty
I'm on warm milk and laxatives
Cherry-flavored antacids
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
I'm anemic royalty
[music | nirvana, "about a girl"]
8.09.2005
poddin'
every once in a while my thoughts turn morbidly curious...
i will cross the street and wonder what my body would look like after it was smeared down by a speeding car - would i be all artful limbs displayed in the most beautiful pattern - or would i look more like the roadkill pigeon that graced my street for about a week earlier this summer?
i will enter a corner store, sense some random tension and then begin to wonder what i'd do if the loitering teen pulled a gun or a knife on the clerk.
i'll tramp down the subway steps and wonder idly if all the garbage on the steps will get tangled up in my shoes and will i then fall face first down the stairs - the impact driving my teeth through my lips leaving me with horrific scaring for life...
lately my wonderings have me running "stranded" scenarios. the other day i was sitting on the subway (with my ipod headphones on, natch) and got bored by the latest prattling star news in my daily metro when i began to look around and marvel at all the folk wearing headphones. and how many of those same folk have the distinctive white ipod headphones.
which then gets me wondering what would happen if for some bizarre strange reason our subway car was sucked into some other reality where we weren't in any immediate peril, but that we couldn't leave the train. sorta an urban lord of the flies.
first we'd break off into groups. the moms with strollers. the stinky rubbies coming home from a day at the local pub. there'd be the group of tragically dressed teens - the boys with pants falling off and the girls with belly shirts showing off their baby fat bellies. we'd have the group of sweet and not quite yet senile seniors. and then there would be the folk who had headphones. we'd all embrace a 'we're in this together' spirit and share bottled water, gator aide and chocolate treats.
however, it's inevitable that each group would begin to splinter under petty tensions brought on by the stranding and the mindnumbing affect that the silver walls and red seats would bring. in the headphone group we'd begin a natural caste striation and the ipod folk would either begin to think we were better than everyone else and we'd start our own super-cool survior group. or would all the other headphone owners just shun the 'pod people as trend-sheep and they'd all stop sharing their chocolate covered peanuts with us. which, sadly would force the ipoders to stage a little rebellion (to the soundtrack of some fabulous alienation music - probably the arcade fire or modest mouse) to take over the covert supply of wrapper candies that the seniors have been hiding from us all. it could get messy.
ok - back to reality. when not having a psychotic break on the subway - i'm actually thinking about the fact that toronto is a fairly large city and it has the reputation of being a city that makes it VERY difficult to meet new people in. the older i get, the more i realize that the only new people that get introduced to my life are ones i meet through work. one could logically assume that a public leveler like the subway could be good place to meet new and interesting people - but besides the fact that as a confirmed torontonian i think every second person out there is off their nut, it's really hard to start up a conversation with the cute guy across the car when we both have our headphones on.
ipods are a great way to kill the monotony of the trip - but it really does make our already singular and alone existence seem all that much more lonely. i won't stop listening to music on the subway - but it makes me wonder what would happen if people started being people again....
[music | a.f.i., "bleed black"]
i will cross the street and wonder what my body would look like after it was smeared down by a speeding car - would i be all artful limbs displayed in the most beautiful pattern - or would i look more like the roadkill pigeon that graced my street for about a week earlier this summer?
i will enter a corner store, sense some random tension and then begin to wonder what i'd do if the loitering teen pulled a gun or a knife on the clerk.
i'll tramp down the subway steps and wonder idly if all the garbage on the steps will get tangled up in my shoes and will i then fall face first down the stairs - the impact driving my teeth through my lips leaving me with horrific scaring for life...
lately my wonderings have me running "stranded" scenarios. the other day i was sitting on the subway (with my ipod headphones on, natch) and got bored by the latest prattling star news in my daily metro when i began to look around and marvel at all the folk wearing headphones. and how many of those same folk have the distinctive white ipod headphones.
which then gets me wondering what would happen if for some bizarre strange reason our subway car was sucked into some other reality where we weren't in any immediate peril, but that we couldn't leave the train. sorta an urban lord of the flies.
first we'd break off into groups. the moms with strollers. the stinky rubbies coming home from a day at the local pub. there'd be the group of tragically dressed teens - the boys with pants falling off and the girls with belly shirts showing off their baby fat bellies. we'd have the group of sweet and not quite yet senile seniors. and then there would be the folk who had headphones. we'd all embrace a 'we're in this together' spirit and share bottled water, gator aide and chocolate treats.
however, it's inevitable that each group would begin to splinter under petty tensions brought on by the stranding and the mindnumbing affect that the silver walls and red seats would bring. in the headphone group we'd begin a natural caste striation and the ipod folk would either begin to think we were better than everyone else and we'd start our own super-cool survior group. or would all the other headphone owners just shun the 'pod people as trend-sheep and they'd all stop sharing their chocolate covered peanuts with us. which, sadly would force the ipoders to stage a little rebellion (to the soundtrack of some fabulous alienation music - probably the arcade fire or modest mouse) to take over the covert supply of wrapper candies that the seniors have been hiding from us all. it could get messy.
ok - back to reality. when not having a psychotic break on the subway - i'm actually thinking about the fact that toronto is a fairly large city and it has the reputation of being a city that makes it VERY difficult to meet new people in. the older i get, the more i realize that the only new people that get introduced to my life are ones i meet through work. one could logically assume that a public leveler like the subway could be good place to meet new and interesting people - but besides the fact that as a confirmed torontonian i think every second person out there is off their nut, it's really hard to start up a conversation with the cute guy across the car when we both have our headphones on.
ipods are a great way to kill the monotony of the trip - but it really does make our already singular and alone existence seem all that much more lonely. i won't stop listening to music on the subway - but it makes me wonder what would happen if people started being people again....
[music | a.f.i., "bleed black"]
8.08.2005
some days are better than others....
today is a gorgeous summer day... full on with the shiny sun and not too much of the dreaded humidity... lovely lovely....
i was supposed to be in my hometown today... but as i'm not, i'll say a hello to stony plain. it's a small farming town of about 7,000 people (only about 5,000) when i lived there but for some reason - most people i come in contact with know the name. part of that reason might be that through work i know a lot of musicians and such who tour and who play just about every inch of this country of ours. that and stony apparently has a reputation as a 'party town'. and also there is a country/folk/roots record label called stony plain records - while not in the town it borrows the name.
for a while the town was actually called 'dog rump creek' because of a nearby creek that has a turn in it that apparently looks like, you guessed it, a dog's ass. so glad they changed the name! like anyone wants to say they were born in dog rump. urgh!
this morning as i went off to get my yoga fix i was wearing my david usher 'hey kids' shirt with a black lacey skirt and some killer shoes i bought a few weeks ago. everytime i wear that combo i get compliments! so thank you david... :)
and speaking of david - he's back doing some stuff in toronto... yey for jodi. he's playing mix 99.9's beachfest again this year. gotta love the fact that the park is basically at the foot of my street (keele/parkside) - makes for a lovely walk home. and there's the roger's cup show this friday and a ctv taping this wednesday. taken all together - these things make for a very good day.
that and rock star : inxs is on tonight... tonight is the somewhat lame 'living in the house' show that is supposed to get us all whipped up in a frenzy for the live performance show in tuesdays... the monday show might not even be available in canada this week - the main network in the states has bumped it from it's schedule and has sold it to vh1 to broadcast. oh well. as long at they don't miss with the tuesday - i remain a happy gurl.
[music | blondie, "atomic"]
i was supposed to be in my hometown today... but as i'm not, i'll say a hello to stony plain. it's a small farming town of about 7,000 people (only about 5,000) when i lived there but for some reason - most people i come in contact with know the name. part of that reason might be that through work i know a lot of musicians and such who tour and who play just about every inch of this country of ours. that and stony apparently has a reputation as a 'party town'. and also there is a country/folk/roots record label called stony plain records - while not in the town it borrows the name.
for a while the town was actually called 'dog rump creek' because of a nearby creek that has a turn in it that apparently looks like, you guessed it, a dog's ass. so glad they changed the name! like anyone wants to say they were born in dog rump. urgh!
this morning as i went off to get my yoga fix i was wearing my david usher 'hey kids' shirt with a black lacey skirt and some killer shoes i bought a few weeks ago. everytime i wear that combo i get compliments! so thank you david... :)
and speaking of david - he's back doing some stuff in toronto... yey for jodi. he's playing mix 99.9's beachfest again this year. gotta love the fact that the park is basically at the foot of my street (keele/parkside) - makes for a lovely walk home. and there's the roger's cup show this friday and a ctv taping this wednesday. taken all together - these things make for a very good day.that and rock star : inxs is on tonight... tonight is the somewhat lame 'living in the house' show that is supposed to get us all whipped up in a frenzy for the live performance show in tuesdays... the monday show might not even be available in canada this week - the main network in the states has bumped it from it's schedule and has sold it to vh1 to broadcast. oh well. as long at they don't miss with the tuesday - i remain a happy gurl.
[music | blondie, "atomic"]
8.04.2005
sometimes you just gotta
i think i am officially insane. that or officially obsessed. i have a flight booked to take me to edmonton this saturday & bring me back from a wedding in saskatoon on the 14th. but the moment i booked my flight - things started happening all around it to make my travel week oh-so-undesirable.
first, my brother and sister-in-law changed their travel plans so that THEY would be out of town the week i was in to visit. i don't so much want/need to see them - but i do really want to see their adorable kids! i was really kind of pissed off about it too, since they'd insisted i needed to come before the weekend of the 13-14th. jerks. family politics suck. they even tried to convince my mom that they NEVER said the week i was coming was a good one for them. do they even know they're lying? i hate lying. :( i really hate the fact that it's coming from my brother too.... anyway.....
second, the day after i finally book my ticket - a david usher show was announced. t was for rogers cellular subscribers and me and my telus phone had no way of going to it, so there weren't too many bad feelings. but then someone amazingly thoughtful and kind emailed me and told me they had an extra ticket for me. which i couldn't use and had to refuse... :( but then today management made 30 tickets available. fuck me. and then found out that there is a new performance/interview show called etalk playlist that will be taping david on august 10th and that they're looking for audience members. after being bitter and pissy about it for a few hours, i decided to call the airline & presto-chango... for $75.00 i can now see the two david things AND spend time with my adorable niece's and nephew.
lets just hope i haven't outsmarted myself.... which is a very possible possibility!
[music | david usher, "long goodbye"]
first, my brother and sister-in-law changed their travel plans so that THEY would be out of town the week i was in to visit. i don't so much want/need to see them - but i do really want to see their adorable kids! i was really kind of pissed off about it too, since they'd insisted i needed to come before the weekend of the 13-14th. jerks. family politics suck. they even tried to convince my mom that they NEVER said the week i was coming was a good one for them. do they even know they're lying? i hate lying. :( i really hate the fact that it's coming from my brother too.... anyway.....
second, the day after i finally book my ticket - a david usher show was announced. t was for rogers cellular subscribers and me and my telus phone had no way of going to it, so there weren't too many bad feelings. but then someone amazingly thoughtful and kind emailed me and told me they had an extra ticket for me. which i couldn't use and had to refuse... :( but then today management made 30 tickets available. fuck me. and then found out that there is a new performance/interview show called etalk playlist that will be taping david on august 10th and that they're looking for audience members. after being bitter and pissy about it for a few hours, i decided to call the airline & presto-chango... for $75.00 i can now see the two david things AND spend time with my adorable niece's and nephew.
lets just hope i haven't outsmarted myself.... which is a very possible possibility!
[music | david usher, "long goodbye"]
one handed, one finger typing
so, as i sit here on eterna-hold with our friendly neighbourhood government, i thought i'd start a little blog action. the robot voice tells me i have a 7-8 minute wait ahead of me... and now i'm being entertained by mahler (i think). at any rate the music isn't as nearly as annoying as the music i was forced to endure while waiting for a doctor's appointment this afternoon. i couldn't even begin to tell you what the radio was playing - but it was awfully treacley and doing a good impression of audio wallpaper. all the better to peruse birth control propaganda...
i was taking a first appointment with a potential new doctor. i'd been seeing mine for nearly 10 years - but she just recently moved to another city. the clinic she used to practice out of set me up with another doctor who seemed really good except for one thing - he was a boy. nothing against men - but i just feel that a female doctor is best for a woman - she actually has the same stuff under the hood and to me - it just makes sense that a man has a male doctor and a woman has a female doctor...
however, this doctor i met with today is not going to be seeing me darken her door again. sometimes you just get the sense that a doctor only wants to take you on to increase their practice numbers. i wasn't impressed... at all. i will try for another female doctor who is taking new patients - but i have to tell you - finding doctors who are accepting new patients is difficult. i just hope that by the time of my physical (september) that i'm not going to see that male doctor. anyone out there in toronto who knows of a good female doctor they can recommend?
and last night on rock star : inxs (i feel like such a prat everytime i yatter about this show!) my gurl tara slone got sent home. it pretty much was inevitable - but i am sorry to see her go. hopefully her solo album will be good. she's been working on it with a guy from montreal that was a pretty big deal in the mid-90's (through his friendship with the stunning melissa auf de maur he ended up doing some songwriting with everyone's fave female wackjob, courtney love).
and i know news like this should be getting me excited - but i also really kinda think i might be over the whole hockey thing. yes, watch me - i say it now in the heat of summer, but come october - i will be subscribing to the nhl channels on bell expressvu and will be wasting time watching the games again. i want to be more excited about it - but seeing that on saturday i'm headed to edmonton, the most hockey rabid city in canada, i may get the hockey infection again. and it's really a big deal for me to say i don't care about hockey. i grew up in edmonton in the days when the oilers could do no wrong and when they ruled the entire nhl... ahh, those were the days!
[music | blur, "girls and boys"]
i was taking a first appointment with a potential new doctor. i'd been seeing mine for nearly 10 years - but she just recently moved to another city. the clinic she used to practice out of set me up with another doctor who seemed really good except for one thing - he was a boy. nothing against men - but i just feel that a female doctor is best for a woman - she actually has the same stuff under the hood and to me - it just makes sense that a man has a male doctor and a woman has a female doctor...
however, this doctor i met with today is not going to be seeing me darken her door again. sometimes you just get the sense that a doctor only wants to take you on to increase their practice numbers. i wasn't impressed... at all. i will try for another female doctor who is taking new patients - but i have to tell you - finding doctors who are accepting new patients is difficult. i just hope that by the time of my physical (september) that i'm not going to see that male doctor. anyone out there in toronto who knows of a good female doctor they can recommend?
and last night on rock star : inxs (i feel like such a prat everytime i yatter about this show!) my gurl tara slone got sent home. it pretty much was inevitable - but i am sorry to see her go. hopefully her solo album will be good. she's been working on it with a guy from montreal that was a pretty big deal in the mid-90's (through his friendship with the stunning melissa auf de maur he ended up doing some songwriting with everyone's fave female wackjob, courtney love).
and i know news like this should be getting me excited - but i also really kinda think i might be over the whole hockey thing. yes, watch me - i say it now in the heat of summer, but come october - i will be subscribing to the nhl channels on bell expressvu and will be wasting time watching the games again. i want to be more excited about it - but seeing that on saturday i'm headed to edmonton, the most hockey rabid city in canada, i may get the hockey infection again. and it's really a big deal for me to say i don't care about hockey. i grew up in edmonton in the days when the oilers could do no wrong and when they ruled the entire nhl... ahh, those were the days!
[music | blur, "girls and boys"]
8.03.2005
rock star : inxs review
it's been several episodes since i last wrote about this show - but the performances tonight were incredible. i'm so glad that after last week's horrid display the singers seem to be willing to perform again - without the jitters that made last week so bad. here's a rundown of what i thought of these guys....
mig - we are the champions
i am hoping that this song gets an encore request by inxs on the show this week. i'm a sucker for this song and i'm quickly becoming a mig lover... not only is he friggin' hot (nice abs, baby) but we see on the monday night shows that he's a super sensitive sweetie too.... awwww.... oh - yeah, and he can sing.
deanna - i'm the only one
i've been iffy about her... and end up NOT remembering her performances - but i won't forget her running through the crowd (nearly pushing folk over on her way) to end up singing the end of the song on the platform with inxs. andrew farris had a great view of her ass for the duration... and seemed quite happy with it. then again - she got some hard knocks at the vocal clinic, basically telling her that her voice might not be able to cut this (because of her age). who can really blame her for pulling out the tried and true tits and ass? :)
marty - with arms wide open
this guy makes me VERY disappointed in inxs and dave navarro. i mean, marty is just not my thing. and it's funny. in my very first review i wrote that marty seemed creed-like. and then what's he do for a song? a creed song. i don't need to say anymore. but i will say that if this guy is picked to sing michael hutchence songs - i will be so disappointed.
ty - everlong
for a guy who claims to be a big 'rocker' - he says he'd never this foo fighter song before. ok, can we say 'poser'? i like ty and love to watch him perform - but seriously - if you've never heard this song before... what the hell type of music do you listen to?
jessica - blister in the sun
she had a lot of fun with this song. it's a really fun song. i just wish she'd stop with the horrid hair-bump she gets when she pulls her hair back.
brandon - if you could only see
this is another song i hate and this is a singer i haven't cared for. also - to me he just looks like he would smell unpleasant. but man, he did an AMAZING job with this song. i still don't like him, but i have to say that he did way better than he has before. before this performance, i was picking him to go home - but i don't think he will after this performance.
jordis - man who saved the world
i love jordis and i would love to see her be the new inxs person BUT i could not stand her voice in this song. again - it might be unfair, as i think this is in one of the top 5 songs ever written, but i really didn't like her vocal. i wish i did. :(
jd - the letter
i'm so over this 'dude'. i think i've been coloured by the portrayal he's getting on the monday night shows. what a fucking asshole. and not in a good way. because you can be an asshole in a good way. it really seems like he's labouring under the misconception that he's on survivor or something. he's trying to manipulate people and situations and then is telling the camera about it. do you really think inxs will want a guy around who will backstab and lie to their faces? not to mention that he might want to continually do new arrangements of the classic inxs songs.
tara - message in a bottle
her vocals are incredible and her stage presence has been pretty dramatic (now that she's not doing country or sabbath tunes). i think she did amazing tonight - but the band seems like they just arent that into her.
suzie - get back
she has the ability to turn a cool and stylish LA club into some grungy ontario roadside diner with the local gal with the big voice and blonde hair sings as the truckers eat their greasy fried chicken. at the end of the day, she's a backup singer. and that's it.
my hope for the bottom three is marty, suzie and jd - but i KNOW i'm not right.
mig - we are the champions
i am hoping that this song gets an encore request by inxs on the show this week. i'm a sucker for this song and i'm quickly becoming a mig lover... not only is he friggin' hot (nice abs, baby) but we see on the monday night shows that he's a super sensitive sweetie too.... awwww.... oh - yeah, and he can sing.
deanna - i'm the only one
i've been iffy about her... and end up NOT remembering her performances - but i won't forget her running through the crowd (nearly pushing folk over on her way) to end up singing the end of the song on the platform with inxs. andrew farris had a great view of her ass for the duration... and seemed quite happy with it. then again - she got some hard knocks at the vocal clinic, basically telling her that her voice might not be able to cut this (because of her age). who can really blame her for pulling out the tried and true tits and ass? :)
marty - with arms wide open
this guy makes me VERY disappointed in inxs and dave navarro. i mean, marty is just not my thing. and it's funny. in my very first review i wrote that marty seemed creed-like. and then what's he do for a song? a creed song. i don't need to say anymore. but i will say that if this guy is picked to sing michael hutchence songs - i will be so disappointed.
ty - everlong
for a guy who claims to be a big 'rocker' - he says he'd never this foo fighter song before. ok, can we say 'poser'? i like ty and love to watch him perform - but seriously - if you've never heard this song before... what the hell type of music do you listen to?
jessica - blister in the sun
she had a lot of fun with this song. it's a really fun song. i just wish she'd stop with the horrid hair-bump she gets when she pulls her hair back.
brandon - if you could only see
this is another song i hate and this is a singer i haven't cared for. also - to me he just looks like he would smell unpleasant. but man, he did an AMAZING job with this song. i still don't like him, but i have to say that he did way better than he has before. before this performance, i was picking him to go home - but i don't think he will after this performance.
jordis - man who saved the world
i love jordis and i would love to see her be the new inxs person BUT i could not stand her voice in this song. again - it might be unfair, as i think this is in one of the top 5 songs ever written, but i really didn't like her vocal. i wish i did. :(
jd - the letter
i'm so over this 'dude'. i think i've been coloured by the portrayal he's getting on the monday night shows. what a fucking asshole. and not in a good way. because you can be an asshole in a good way. it really seems like he's labouring under the misconception that he's on survivor or something. he's trying to manipulate people and situations and then is telling the camera about it. do you really think inxs will want a guy around who will backstab and lie to their faces? not to mention that he might want to continually do new arrangements of the classic inxs songs.
tara - message in a bottle
her vocals are incredible and her stage presence has been pretty dramatic (now that she's not doing country or sabbath tunes). i think she did amazing tonight - but the band seems like they just arent that into her.
suzie - get back
she has the ability to turn a cool and stylish LA club into some grungy ontario roadside diner with the local gal with the big voice and blonde hair sings as the truckers eat their greasy fried chicken. at the end of the day, she's a backup singer. and that's it.
my hope for the bottom three is marty, suzie and jd - but i KNOW i'm not right.
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