" it's the terror of knowing what this world is about"
i had a chance to go on an all expenses-paid trip to palm springs, california sometime between january 23 and february 4. my parents have my aunt & uncle's time-share for two weeks and i have been invited down to lay by the pool. my parents said they would pay for the entire trip.
why wouldn't someone in my situation take this trip? well, how about because my potential new job, the one i don't even know the details of yet, the one that's been dangling in front of my nose since august, would probably be starting right around that time. and that's even IF i were to land that job.
i asked the big boss person if it would be a smart thing or a dumb thing for me to go away for a week at the end of january. she very diplomatically said it probably would be quite shit-timing and apologized that she couldn't tell me the details yet. so, i won't be booking a flight to sun-shiny california. *sigh* i so wanted to go. i could do with some palm trees and swimming pools right about now. i just hope i don't regret passing up a trip for the job i don't even have yet.
"watching some good friends screaming, 'let me out!'"
between the job search, the apartment search and the stapling of many many important pieces of paper with many many numbers on them - i just have been feeling the pressure. and today i cracked just a little bit. i thought i'd been holding up fine, but apparently i wasn't me normal cheery self at my hourly-wage place of employment. by the end of the day 3 separate people had asked me if i was ok. i guess my demeanor didn't fit with my words.
sample conversation :
random nice person popping up through the cubical wasteland : "hey jodi, how are you doing?"
me looking up from my calculator and great stacks of paper : "i'm good. how about you?"
random nice person : "oh, are you sure about that? you don't sound too good."
me : "oh, i'm just feeling the apartment blues. it's rough these days." (meanwhile, i'm thinking to myself, 'well, duh, i'm not doing good. i've soon to have no home and i'm doing some pretty menial tasks here.')
on the flip side of that, about an equal number of people told me they liked my shirt today. you got to look for the small positives!
"pray tomorrow takes me high high higher pressure on people people on streets"
and can i tell you about the apartment search. my roomie and i have been pretty adamant about what we will accept and what we won't. as soon as we realized we were being booted, we somewhat facetiously made a list of things that were "musts" for the new place. it included stuff like a fireplace, french doors, dishwasher, washer/dryer, gas stove, 2 large and equal sized bedrooms, a dining room, a living room a den (or more accurately, the cats' room), ttc accessible, access to the back-yard and the apartment should be on the 2nd and 3rd floor of a house with character. gosh, we're not asking for too much, are we? ;)
the fact is, we pretty nearly have all that stuff now (excluding the french doors, dishwasher and gas stove). it's hard to want to settle for less. then again, since 2006 seems to be a year of big change for me - maybe i should get used to living in a smaller, less luxurious place. i may have to settle for that - but why should my roomie. and she's the one with horseshoes up her ass. i told her the shoes needed to work a little bit harder these days!
over the past week the places we've seen have ranged from :
spacious (but with dirty carpeting, a scary-side door access and most alarmingly - bugs, ewww!)
to tiny (we saw a 2 bedrooms + den that really should be re-advertised as 1 small bedroom + living room & dining room)
to smelly (the place tonight smelled of stinky fried meat. guess it's not a good thing to check out places during the dinner hour.)
to really quite acceptable and nothing quite wrong with it (but still something wasn't right about it. i didn't get the warm-fuzzies and i couldn't see myself living in it)
to non-existent. well, the last one we didn't actually see - but the pictures were just stunning - as was the description. i thought that as soon as we saw it in person, that we'd love it and that the landlord would love us and let us take it. but it turns out that the current tenants gave notice and then took it back a few days later. jerks. so the great place went off the market until later this spring or early this summer. jerks. don't they know that they're in our apartment!
oh well... something is out there. i can feel it coming around the corner. just hope it's not a giant squid.
also - i defy anyone out there to walk down the street listening to madonna's "hung up" and not feel really good about themselves. it's my sure-fire fool-proof way to bring a little spring to my step these days. that and listening to live recordings of david usher shows. thank you david for all the many kindnesses you've done me.
[music franz ferdinand, "do you want to"]
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