new beginnings

i'm almost ashamed to be writing this here today... it's more not-so-hap-hap-happy news. i really am not a person who dwells on all the not nice stuff, but lately it just seems i'm getting that in spades... soooo....

on january 1st my landlords slipped a note under the door telling me that they need the place for 'personal use' no later than march 1st. that's right i've been evicted.

this is so strange and surreal. no job and now no place to live. i'm beginning to think that i have somehow slipped into someone elses' skin. i'd like my own back please. from a casual glance, i must seem like the most monumental fuck-up out there. i really am not a hideous beast. most people actually describe me as a 'nice' person. bus drivers always say hello to me. people in stores generally want to help me. i don't think i make a bad first impression, or second or third. but who knows. perhaps i am in a massive hallucination. maybe i'm severely mentally damaged and none of my friends and family have bothered to tell me i'm a little bit off. maybe there are no friends and family - maybe they are all in my head.... hmmmm....... must look into this.

all i know is that my current situation doesn't reflect who i am. then again, what image am i holding up against my current state? maybe that image is wrong. holy existential tangent.

the universe seems poised to do any of the following :
push me into a deep crevice. to provide me with untold opportunity and riches here in toronto. to move me to a beach in thailand or portugal.

lovely low-tide beach in portugal. wish i was here.

new beginnings for 2006. my life has been about quite a bit of change lately. i don't mind a calculated risk or an educated gamble... and i think i'm better at those than most... but now the universe seems to be demanding a complete tight rope routine from me. and i don't have time to look to see if there's a net. wish me luck!

[music | nine inch nails, "only"]