i no longer need what i do not want....

my sun sign is taurus - and the cliff notes to traits for that sign basically say stubborn, methodical and materialistic.

i'll agree with stubborn (though i do feel that i have an open mind) and i do confess a certain penchant for doing things in a particular order and in a particular way. however, i think i'm getting over or moving past materialism.

why do i think that? well - for years (many many years!) i've been a packrat. i loved to keep things 'just in case' i ever needed them. silly things like pretty giftwrap, perfume boxes and old nailpolishes just because i loved their colours. (long ago i got rid of the perfume boxes, but i still do keep giftwrap and grotty old nailpolish bottles) i'm not saying i'm beginning a wholesale purge of my home and cherished items, i do love my pretty things and won't stop loving them, but i'm slowly seeing signs that i'm beginning to be able to let go.

this shock of recognition came over the past few days - i went through several boxes of cd's (we're talking upwards of 400 discs) that had not been unpacked for a couple of moves. i love music. love it so much. period. and previously, it was unheard of for me to leave my music trapped in a box and basically a struggle to get to (though the boxes had been opened and i had pulled discs from the depths). what odd feelings when this realization sunk in.

this past weekend, not only did i finally unpack the discs - but i also made a GIANT pile of discs to try to sell and discs to toss. shocking, i know. as i unpacked them and begain putting them away (alphabetically, of course... then again, they were alphabetical in the boxes too!) i started culling away the stuff i NEVER listened to. the telling note was when i came across discs that i didn't even want to load onto my ipod. i figured if i hadn't listened the the album in years and i had no interest in hearing even one song off of it now - that it should go. even though some of these albums i had listened to extensively in high school and university and beyond. some i did hang on to for sentimental reasons (just COULDN'T get rid of my corey hart cd's!) but some were purged with out mercy (goodbye tragically hip, good riddance bootsauce, au revoir matthew good).

also, while going through the boxes, i found things i hadn't listened to in ages (eurythmics, rasputina, portishead, oasis, garbage, sisters of mercy and the brilliant abbey road album). so basically this exercise has allowed me to realize that i need not hang onto the things that i no longer have a use for. i need to look at the objects that populate my life with fresh eyes. do i actually need or want these things - or do i only THINK i need them because of the person i was when i first obtained them.

heady stuff for a pre-coffee tuesday morning - but you know, it's good.

so once again, music has propelled a change in my life (it brought me to toronto, it brought me to writing, it brought me to amazing jobs, great experiences and it has also brought me deep sadness and loss of employment) but this time the change is brought on not by the pursuit, but by the considered rejection. the taurean need for material goods is losing out in this case.

i no longer need what i do not want.

[music | bauhaus, "lagartija nick"]